 ©1999-1999 ICFTP What're you, kidding? |
19 April 1999:
The Baby Mac showed up! Wa-hoo! Tentatively named Elijah, there is a shiny new (well, ok, old) Mac Plus sitting to my right. I'd take a picture, but someone's got the digital camera this week.
and:
We're gonna have kittens! Maybe. A VERY pregnant soon-to-be-momma cat showed up at the porch sunday evening. We fed her and she seems happy. Think she's decided that under the house would be a good place for a litter of brand-spankin'-new kittens. I hope so. Our house is definitely a kitten-friendly kind of place.
On a dimmer note:
I just cannot seem to get eye-to-eye with my parents about things. Called my mom up and screamed at her this morning because she went behind my back asking questions about my doctor's appointment.
She and I have discussed the issue of one's privacy when dealing with doctors. She and my father have always been close-mouthed about their medical experiences, and a few years back when I went to see a doctor about something quite personal, she asked me about it and we both agreed that there are some times when it's no-one else's business WHAT goes on between you and the doc. As a matter of fact, she made a big deal of it, and stated that there were things she didn't want me to know about her doctor's visit, yada yada, etc etc. Fine with me.
When she asked me recently about my latest visit, I told her I didn't really want to talk about it, that the doc and I had talked about personal stuff. She asked "Are you ok?" and I said yes. "That's all I need to know," she said, and let it go at that. Cool, she understands, I thought. She just wanted to make sure I was ok, that's all she needed to know.
All she needed to know? Oh really?
So I get on IM this morning, and Tanya immediately tells me "Your mother keeps asking me about your last doctor's appointment. What's up?"
All she needed to know? Oh really?
Well mom, you've really helped me adhere to your ideals of privacy here. Thanks. I didn't want you, or dad, OR Tanya asking me about this, and I thought I made that abundantly clear. I thought you agreed. I RESTED EASY IN THE BELIEF THAT YOU UNDERSTOOD.
I didn't give you any information, so you told me that was fine and then went digging for it anyway. What the FUCK??
Look, I understand that you're concerned. I understand that you're scared. But without some kind of basic trust going on here, you two ARE NOT HELPING ME.
Grrrr.
I don't understand this. I feel betrayed. AGAIN. They have always been honorable, trustworthy. Why has this changed? I was shocked to the core when my mother brought up me not paying rent during an argument when I moved back in with them. I moved back out as quickly as I could after that. I would have sworn that she would never have said anything, knowing damn well how hard it was for me to give in and say I needed their help, yet at the first dominance conflict she trotted that right out. Why? Why do my gums start to bleed every time we talk about this transplant or my life? (ok, they don't really bleed, but you get the point.) Tanya manages to remind me of the things that need doing without causing me oral distress... my stomach doesn't tighten up as soon as she starts... but god, the last thing I want to do anymore is talk to my parents about this mess. Yet they clamor for information about what's going on (understandably) and claim they want to help. And I'm sure they do.
But on their terms.
Their way.
To their standards.
Because they know better.
Excuse me, but which of us three is going under the knife next month? Which of us is going through this crap?
I am NOT trying to whine and pule about this, but goddammit! They tell me that I'M NOT CONSIDERATE OF HOW DIFFICULT THIS IS FOR THEM!
WHAT?!?!?
Excuse ME, but if you wanna go down THAT road, you two have already HAD almost thirty more years than I might GET!
BACK OFF!
This is a leetle bit difficult to handle sometimes.
I am doing the best I can.